Monday, November 7, 2011

The Crush Factor

Since most days I act a sixth grader, it’s probably not a huge shock to find out that I engage in that all too common middle school rite – the crush.  While most of my peers are busy meeting potential life mates and forming actual adult relationships, I’m still hanging on the monkey bars giggling about my crush o’ the moment.  I am so mature.
I had my very first crush in the second grade.  His name was Greg Tarlo and he was the cutest boy in Room 6.  It never went anywhere because, well, we were seven and do you honestly think I told him that I had a crush on him?! 
My next serious crush was, of course, Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love.  And we already know that 1) I was to shy to ask him to a dance and 2) I still giggle like a nervous schoolgirl around him. 
Then there were the crushes on all the guys I worked with at the supermarket, including Muffin Boy, the Utz guy, the meat guy, the bakery guy, the frozen food guy.  But I never, ever had a crush on any of the deli guys.  I mean, who wants to crush on a guy who cuts the cheese? 
(Seriously, if you did not laugh at that one, you have no soul.)
Ahh, let me tell you about Muffin Boy.  Tall, dark, and handsome, I saw him every morning when he helped deliver Thomas English muffins to our store.  That crush was borderline - actually, I guess technically not borderline – illegal.  I was the older woman, 21, to his 15 going on 16.  For the record, I did NOT know he was 15 going on 16.  He was very tall and mature for his age.  As soon as I found out he was 16 (um, on the day that I gave him a birthday card - can you say, Denise is a dork?  'cause I did.) and that he was helping his dad deliver muffins, I stopped my crushing.  I still can’t look at Thomas English muffins without blushing just a tad.    
There have been other crushes here and there over the years.  And there have been a few threats of bodily harm to friends if they, God forbid, actually reveal my crushes.  (Did the bell ring for fourth period, yet?) 
But today, an idea – so far-fetched, so ludicrous, so ridiculous – was suggested to me that made me laugh in disbelief before I quickly disagreed.  What if, what if rather than being the crusher, I was the crushee?  Well, doesn’t that just spin the Earth off its axis?  I don’t think I’ve ever conceived the notion of someone actually having a crush on me, of all people!  Is it possible that I have a crushability quotient?
Not that I’m going to find out…because, OMG, that would be sooo mature embarrassing!  {giggle, giggle}   


  1. You know this makes me half want to hug you/ half want to throttle you :)
    OF COURSE you're crushable!!

  2. Um, you just used the phrase 'crushability quotient'. Even I have a crush on you now.

  3. Lol- I've made the same mistake about thinking someone's cute and then finding he's way younger. (Not surprising I thought he was "cute", he was practically a toddler.)