Saturday, March 24, 2012

Something More

I haven’t posted for a while, folks. There’s a few reasons why but really the long and short of it is that I didn’t want to disappoint you. See, I’ve been out of sorts lately and I wasn’t feeling particularly funny or punny. I’ve been rather complain-y and woe-is-Denise-y and I was really afraid that if I let loose you’d have the same reaction that I have when Taylor Swift comes on the radio – oh no, not her again!

Let’s just get this out of the way first – yes, I should join clubs; yes, I should mingle more; yes, I should go out and meet more people; yes, I should give online dating an actual chance; yes, I should do all of that stuff. You’re right. I only have myself to blame and it’s a blame that I accept whole-heartedly. But the doing is so hard sometimes.

Anyway, back to this weird place that I’ve been in for the past few months. I explained it to a friend the other day – it’s not that I’m not happy. But it’s something. Maybe it’s a longing for something that I still haven’t quite defined. Maybe it’s just a general malaise of the spirit. Or maybe it’s something more. Or the wanting of something more.

Maybe it’s a girl/Barbie thing. Barbie is awesome – she’s everything I can only aspire to be – an astronaut/teacher/veterinarian/gym owner/rock star who lives in her Dream House* with her kid sister named Skipper. Barbie has it all (did I mention her kid sister named Skipper?) I know, I know, I shouldn’t be comparing myself to a 11 inch plastic doll but I’m a Pisces and we’re prone to living in the land of fantasy and make believe. All that aside, when I was a little girl, I kinda thought, well if Barbie can have an extraordinary life, I can too. But then I grew up and realized life is pretty ordinary for most folks (unless you’re a girl named Skipper**).

Or maybe it’s a me thing. I’m just gonna come right out and say it. I spent a huge chunk of my life thinking I was special. When I was growing up, a lot of well-meaning relatives and family friends said so. Well, really, they told me God had a special plan for me. Maybe lots of kids hear this from well-meaning relatives and family friends. But for a long time, I actually believed that God really must’ve had a plan for me and that it was incredibly special. I mean, it certainly explained the whole craniofacial syndrome thing (besides, “God’s special plan” sounds more interesting than having screwy genes). But there never was a special plan. It was just what it was –an unlucky roll of the genetic dice and I’m not any more (or less) special than anyone else. I’m just an ordinary person living an ordinary life.

Here’s the thing. I don’t want ordinary.

I want something more.

I'm just not sure how to get it.
*I never had a Barbie Dream House. I had a regular Barbie house.  My brother added on to it and made it a Dream House.  It was practice for real life!
**For reasons that make sense only to me, I'm very loyal to Skipper.  For a while, I thought she was being overshadowed by Barbie's new siblings and I felt bad for her.  (S.O.S. = Save Our Skipper!) 

Monday, March 5, 2012

Act Like a Kid, Think Like an Adult

On Saturday night, for the first time since I was 10 years old and stopped having them, I had an actual birthday party.  I’m talking cutesie invitations, birthday hats, cake, and ice cream.  All that was missing was Pin the Tail on the Donkey.  Actually, there wouldn’t have been time for that because we were too busy roller skating!  That’s right, I had my birthday party at the local roller skating center.  What?  Your town doesn’t have a roller skating center?!  You don’t know what you’re missing!

Walking through the doors of the Laurel Roller Skating Center was like stepping back in time.  1977, to be exact ‘cause the place probably hasn’t been updated since the days of disco.  I imagine that the skates that my friends and I laced up have been worn by generations of skaters…which only creeped me out later that night when I got home and my kitten took a unnatural interest in my socks. 

Once the skates were laced up, there was only one other thing required.  Absolute vodka courage.  I clung to the side of the wall and thought – oh no, what did I get myself into?  There wasn’t much time to think about anything else because the referee yelled – fast skaters on the outside lanes, slow skaters on the inside!  Okay, there was a little time to think.  It went something like this - &@#%!!!  I need to get into the MIDDLE of the floor?! @#$&! 

Somehow though, I managed to roll out to the middle of the floor, joining my friends who were already skating like the wind.  I took a slow and steady approach because, well, skating is hard work!  And also, I needed a lot of time to plan my exit strategy.  But somewhere along the line, the worry went away and my friends and I were just skating around, acting like kids, without any cares in the world, yelling “Wheeeeeee!” 

It was so much fun!  And we hadn’t even had any ice cream and cake yet!

There were some tumbles though, me included.  Man, when you take a roller skating fall at 33…it hurts a little more than it did when you were in the seventh grade!

That’s why the next morning, I thought like an adult and went to the local emergency room to get an x-ray of my arm (note to self – next time you go roller skating, your butt should break your fall, not your arm!)  Luckily, nothing was broken although they gave me a sling – which oddly, the other kitten has taken an unnatural interest in!

My Sunday morning adventure to the ER didn’t put a damper on my Saturday night roller skating adventure though.  Honestly, Saturday night was the most fun that I’ve had in a long time.  It was kinda like we were all kids again.  Or maybe we’re all still kids inside and they came out to play on Saturday night.

The only problem that I have now – what should I plan for next year’s birthday party?!    

Some of my friends getting their skate on!