I signed up with an online dating service. It’s worked for a couple of my cousins and a few friends and considering that I don’t meet too many men while I’m sitting on my couch watching “The Big Bang Theory,” I thought I’d give it a shot. In full disclosure, I actually attempted this three years ago, but I never responded to any of my matches. It’s not that I’m opposed to online dating. I’m opposed to rejection. You can’t get rejected if you don’t respond. But then you’re sitting on your couch for the rest of your life watching “The Big Bang Theory” alone. And what fun is that?
I signed up with the company that constantly airs those annoying commercials with the couples who were matched on 96 key dimensions of their personalities, blah, blah, blah. One Friday night, I settled in and began the obscenely long questionnaire that one has to fill out in order to find their perfect match. This ain’t no random pick-up at a bar…it’s a highly scientific process. I’ve shared a few of the questions below. Answers are on a scale of 1-7, 1 being not at all, 7 being very well –
I feel unable to deal with things. Well, I’m unable to deal with the thought of rejection and I’m unable to deal with this questionnaire. I can deal with work stuff though so let’s say a 5…or 6. 6. Yeah, 6.
I often carry the conversation to a higher level. Depends. If it’s about Deadliest Catch, that’s a definite 7. If it’s about politics, that’s a 1…let’s average that out to a 3.
I am easily discouraged. I was pretty discouraged when ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds broke up…if they can’t make it work, who can? Hmm, I’ll put that at a 5.
I am satisfied with my emotional development. I’m a 31 year old woman who fears rejection. I have issues. So, I’m gonna say, 4.
I am able to express myself in unique ways. I can’t communicate with dolphins or anything but this blog is allowing me to express myself. I’ll say 5.
I have a high desire for sexual activity. Geez, I haven’t even been on the first date yet and we’re already talking about S-E-X. This is moving much too fast for me. And it’s stupid that you can’t skip questions.
Being in a setting where I will meet new people is an important part of my life. If I went to settings where I’d meet new people, maybe I wouldn’t need to try online dating. That was about a 2.
I care a lot about the physical shape I’m in. Nah, not really. I’ll put that as a 1. But I care a lot about the physical shape of my match. Where's the scale for that?
The questions went on and on and on. Thank goodness there were reruns on all night!
I completed the questionnaire but now there are photos to upload and additional questions to answer and a profile to fill out. My profile is 68% complete. I’m wise enough to know that my own fears are holding me back from finishing the remaining 32%. I’m just hoping my perfect match will wait until I overcome them.