Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Last Post

Sometime last year, I stumbled across a blog filled with misspellings that was written by a woman who wrote about her bipolar disorder.  I thought, well, gee whiz, if she’s brave enough to write about her bipolar disorder, maybe I could be brave enough to write about being a former bed wetter with a craniofacial syndrome who can’t smell and is afraid of fax machines.  And oh yeah, share one or two of my insecurities.  I mean, how hard could it be?  An added bonus, I knew how to use the spell-checker.
And so, exactly a year ago tonight, I sent a draft of my first post to a trusted friend and told her, I’m thinking of doing this blog thing.  Her response?  Do it!  It’s so cathartic.  
I’m not going to be all humble and say, I never expected anyone to read my blog.  I wanted people to read it.  No.  I needed people to read it.  That first post, at least.  I needed people to read what I hadn’t been brave enough to say out loud, except to a few people.
For most of my life, I felt like I was walking around living a lie because of the things that I was too scared to share or admit.  Telling my story was a release.  I began to let go of a lot of stuff that I probably shouldn’t have been holding onto in the first place.   As I wrote, and later began talking, about my insecurities, I realized that I’m not so different from everyone else.  I’m trying to figure stuff out just like the rest of the world.
Cathartic?  You have no idea. 
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about where I go from here.  Where this blog goes from here.  My life isn’t very exciting and the things about me that used to bother me, don’t so much anymore – even when I find myself in seasonal ruts.  Do I keep writing?  Or do I let Tulips and Togas stand as a testament to a really good year – a year of growth, a year of changes, a year of experiencing life?
I am, like this blog, a work in progress.  In this coming year, I want to continue on the path that I started on in 2011.   And there are so many fun things to look forward to in 2012 – a wedding (not mine), babies (not mine), vacations (mine!), and a roller skating birthday party (mine!).  I’m not planning on disappearing from anyone’s Google Reader quite yet.  I hope you’ll continue to enjoy reading my stories as much as I enjoy writing them. 
That first post was the hardest thing that I've ever done.  As I write this post, the last post of 2011, I can look back and say, yes, it was the hardest thing that I've ever done but it was also the best thing that I've ever done.  Thank you for joining me on this journey.  It's been quite the ride.     
Happy New Year!


  1. Keep writing! For one thing, it 's nice to have a space where you can process things and share them and record them even if you're not trying to work through something specific; you can never tell when a blog might come in handy. But mostly, if you put away Tulips and Togas, I'll miss you. How will I ever find out what happens in 2012?

  2. Without sounding like a cheeseball, I'm so proud of you, D. I admire your candor and I think it's so great how you openly pursue self-improvement (like running..., or toastmasters). Given that this year was so empowering for you and each year builds on the last, I think you are going to rock in 2012. Happy new year!!

  3. Denise, you are such an inspiration! Even to those of us who seem to be rock solid, nothing will get us (or keep us) down types. Every one has insecurities and challenges to face--some more than others. Most of us are not brave enough to even admit to ourselves our innermost fears, let alone post them for friends, family, aquaintences, and strangers to read and scrutinize. I commend you for your bravery and honesty. It has been wonderful to witness your growth, and in some, small ways take part in it. Thank you for sharing! I wish you a most wonderful and adventurous new year!!!

  4. So happy to hear that you're going to keep your awesome, funny, poignant, brave blog going forward. I love reading your writings! Here's to a great 2012 for you, D!