Sometime last year, I stumbled across a blog filled with misspellings that was written by a woman who wrote about her bipolar disorder. I thought, well, gee whiz, if she’s brave enough to write about her bipolar disorder, maybe I could be brave enough to write about being a former bed wetter with a craniofacial syndrome who can’t smell and is afraid of fax machines. And oh yeah, share one or two of my insecurities. I mean, how hard could it be? An added bonus, I knew how to use the spell-checker.
And so, exactly a year ago tonight, I sent a draft of my first post to a trusted friend and told her, I’m thinking of doing this blog thing. Her response? Do it! It’s so cathartic.
I’m not going to be all humble and say, I never expected anyone to read my blog. I wanted people to read it. No. I needed people to read it. That first post, at least. I needed people to read what I hadn’t been brave enough to say out loud, except to a few people.
For most of my life, I felt like I was walking around living a lie because of the things that I was too scared to share or admit. Telling my story was a release. I began to let go of a lot of stuff that I probably shouldn’t have been holding onto in the first place. As I wrote, and later began talking, about my insecurities, I realized that I’m not so different from everyone else. I’m trying to figure stuff out just like the rest of the world.
Cathartic? You have no idea.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about where I go from here. Where this blog goes from here. My life isn’t very exciting and the things about me that used to bother me, don’t so much anymore – even when I find myself in seasonal ruts. Do I keep writing? Or do I let Tulips and Togas stand as a testament to a really good year – a year of growth, a year of changes, a year of experiencing life?
I am, like this blog, a work in progress. In this coming year, I want to continue on the path that I started on in 2011. And there are so many fun things to look forward to in 2012 – a wedding (not mine), babies (not mine), vacations (mine!), and a roller skating birthday party (mine!). I’m not planning on disappearing from anyone’s Google Reader quite yet. I hope you’ll continue to enjoy reading my stories as much as I enjoy writing them.
That first post was the hardest thing that I've ever done. As I write this post, the last post of 2011, I can look back and say, yes, it was the hardest thing that I've ever done but it was also the best thing that I've ever done. Thank you for joining me on this journey. It's been quite the ride.
Happy New Year!