Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Downside

Lately, every visit with my parents seems to remind me that they are getting old.  They're not just getting old; they’re turning into old people.  I mean, they’re not decrepit.  But it’s just a fact of life -  there are more aches and pains, the gray strands of hair finally outnumber the non, and sometimes it's too cold to go out.  And then there are other moments that cause me to worry because, well, they’re on the downside of the hill. 
Like when I was home at Thanksgiving and I found my mom sitting at the computer without her pants on.  Mentally, I went through my Dr. Oz-certified Alzheimers’ checklist:  did she forget to put her pants on?  Does she know she’s not wearing pants?  Does she know how to put pants on?  Does she know what pants are?  I stated the obvious first, “Mom, you don’t have any pants on!”  Now, my mom's far from having dementia or Alzheimers so she was well aware of her pantsless outfit.  I forget why she didn't have pants on but I'm sure there was a reasonable explanation.  The explanation isn't important.  What’s important is that she knew she wasn't wearing pants.  So hooray, my mother isn't suffering from dementia.  But she is getting old and I’m starting to worry about the stuff that happens to parents when they turn into old people. 
I’m starting to worry about when they’re not here anymore. 
I’m starting to worry about being left behind. 
So, there’s all that.  Then there are all the family and friends who seem to be going through major life changes recently – engagements, babies, Facebook relationship status updates.  They’re all moving forward in their lives.  And here I am stuck in a rut in a holding pattern.  A rut pattern of my own making, I completely admit.  A rut pattern that I can’t seem to get out of. 
Everyone’s getting older, everyone’s moving forward, and me? 
I’m starting to worry about being left behind.
I’m starting to worry about never catching up. 
But most of all, I’m starting to worry that there won’t be anyone to worry about me when I’m on the downside of that hill and not wearing any pants.

4 comments:

  1. Okay, so is it all right if I ask the obvious question? You're smart. You're funny. You seem like a really likable person. So what's the rut all about? Why aren't you letting yourself move forward?

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  2. Honestly, I think it's the time of the year. When I get all SAD and rutty. I actually feel like I'm moving forward in certain areas but I feel like I'm taking a leisurely walk along the highway and everyone else is whizzing by me in their fast cars. God, I do highway analogies like a rock-star, don't I?

    Really, what I need to do is go on a trip.

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  3. I completely understand feeling like everyone is moving on/forward and you're not, but then I wonder if those people are really happier than I am? It really doesn't matter where you are in your life it's whether you are truly happy/fullfilled or not. Then everything else falls into place. Recently, I have started to make the neccessary changes (not taking life so seriously) to be happy and "grow" as a person.
    Denise, I am confident your rut won't last forever!

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