Saturday, August 27, 2011

It’s Really Not That Kind of Blog

I have a confession to make…I check my site-meter to see who visits my blog.  I really only do it to see if I’m maintaining my legion of 26 loyal fans and to figure out which relatives get the nice Christmas cards this year.  I also like to see where everyone’s checking in from.  Obviously, I’m a big hit with the Pennsylvanians and Marylanders but sometimes I get visitors from places where I don’t know anyone which is always exciting.  I wonder how the people from Leavenworth, Kansas or St. Augustine, Florida or Singapore ended up here at my little corner of the Internet.  Lucky for me, what they Googled gives me a bit of a clue.
People do a lot of searching for lawn mowers.
Type “neighbor yelling at me to mow lawn” into Google and Tulips and Togas is like #4 on the results page.  Sorry dude, I don’t have any advice for  you – I generally avoid conflict with my neighbors and mowing my lawn.  I could send my dad to your house if it gets really bad.
If you Google “women on lawn mowers” – clearly, someone was looking for an instructional video – Tulips and Togas is the fifth result, right after an article about a lady in Fergus Falls who got hurt while mowing her lawn and right before an article about an Australian lady who was decapitated during a “freak lawn mower accident.”  Freak lawn mower accident?!  She was DECAPITATED.  While mowing her lawn.  That’s crah-raaaa-zeeee.  And gives me yet another excuse for why I should just wait for my dad to come mow my lawn.
And the dude from Leavenworth, Kansas.  Well.  I’m not even going to put what he Googled.  I think there was some sort of fetish thing going on there.  No judgment about the fetish thing, of course.  I have a thing for cowboy hats and spurs.  I’m totally kidding.  There should be a saddle too. 
So the lawn mower searches were creepy interesting.  Now I have to tell you about the visitor from Singapore.  You are going to love this.  He Googled “give tulip for second date.”  Come on, let’s all say it – awwwwww, how sweet!  Dude from Singapore, I don’t know if it’s common to give tulips for a second date but I say go for it!  I hope it works out for you.  In fact, I’m going to insist that I be given tulips on a second date.  And that my date wear a cowboy hat.  That’s not asking too much, is it?
Anyway, it doesn’t matter how you got here or even if you stick around, I’m glad you stopped by.  Well, except for that one guy. 
Now I’m off to Google Fergus Falls.  Oh, and the weather.  ‘Cause, did you here?  There’s a hurricane a-coming!


  1. You know, the guy from Leavenworth, KS is in prison, right? Fort Leavenworth . . .

  2. They're coming to your blog because they'll find witty, entertaining, well-written prose! Love reading it (though I usually read it in my feed-reader, so I don't know if I show up as a visitor). Keep it up.

  3. Dawn - I know, I got really excited at the prospect of a prison pen-pal! But then he'd probably get released, want a relationship, and then I'd freak out.

    Muriel - thank you! Your blog makes me want to visit Nebraska...maybe that's where I'll find my cowboy!

  4. That actually is VERY cute about the tulip on a second date. Usually my second dates consisted of mozzarella sticks and, if I was lucky, imported beer.

  5. And waving now from Wollongong, Australia. Being a mad blogger myself I have loved seeing those little stats come up from all over the globe. Its quite a phenomenon isnt it...the Women who Blog network? Such a valuable gift into the hearts and minds of so many women.
    May we all Blog well and prosper : )

  6. You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun - I think the tulip thing is cute too! Mozzarella sticks and imported beer...something I can look forward to!

    Jo - Welcome! I'm absolutely swooning that an Aussie has found there way here!