Tuesday, August 9, 2011

It's a Boy!

No, no, no, I’m not still gushing over the hot salsa dancer.  Although, have I mentioned how awesome that was?  I’m about to tell you about another boy.  Now, what I’m about to tell you may land me in swag jail, so, you know, if you want to start taking up a collection for my bail money, that’d be great. 
First, let me tell you about women bloggers.  We’re intelligent; we’re serious; we’re funny; we’re thought provoking; and boy, do we have a way with words.  We’re a force to be reckoned with.  We are influential.  One of the stats that was mentioned (I’m pretty sure I got this right) was that 80% of women would buy something that they read about on a blog.  So, no wonder major brands flock to conferences and give out free stuff.  I mean, in one night, I got colored pens (3M), a birdhouse kit (Lowes), a sausage croissant sandwich (Jimmy Dean), Smurf figurines (McDonald’s), and, well a lot of other stuff.
I think one of the biggest forces in the blogosphere may be moms who blog.   I’m going to try not to call them mommy bloggers anymore because I met tons of ladies this weekend who are moms blogging about lots more than their kids.  Moms who blog are using their voices to do all sorts of cool things from advocating for kids with special needs to promoting healthy living and everything else in between.  And if you’re a mom who blogs, you get the best swag at conferences (Toys.  Lots of toys!)
My pals – moms who blog – got invited to a swag suite filled with kid-centric swag.  I made the walk over with them and had a choice – sit outside and wait for them or try to get in.  It was amazingly easy to get in.  (Do you have that bail money collected yet?)  As we stood in line, TopChef told me that they might ask about my kids so I’d better invent one fast.   
After about one minute of labor, little Luke bounced into the world.  He just turned two in May and we were beginning to potty-train him but he was stubborn, just like his father.  Maybe I started potty-training too soon?  He liked trains and wanted to be Batman for Halloween.
ImagaLuke was so easy.  I totally skipped over that whole infancy phase and I didn’t have to worry about cutting those tiny little baby nails, I didn't have to worry about supporting his little baby neck so his little baby head didn’t pop off, and best of all, I didn’t have to change any diapers (which is good because I’ve never changed a diaper in my life and I wasn’t gonna start with my imaginary son, or um, anytime soon.  Just putting that out there.)  ImagaLuke was also laid-back, always ate his dinner, and never, ever threw a temper tantrum.  What a good little imaginary boy he was!
Don’t get me wrong.  Even though I was a fake mom, I worried about ImagaLuke.  As I picked up a small toy, I worried that ImagaLuke might put it in his mouth and choke on it and…crap, I don’t know the Heimlich and I certainly don’t want to do what my mother did to me when I was choking on something; when I ate a sample of vitamins, I realized that ImagaLuke should probably take vitamins and eat fruits and vegetables and other healthy things and wow, that could be a problem with a mom like me; when I was given a cool, awesome thermometer, it dawned on me that if ImagaLuke was sick, I was the one who had to take care of him even if I was sick too and what if his father was out salsa dancing with other ladies and I didn’t get a nap or a shower* or…okay, a little overboard right there.     
The swag was nice and all but being a mom to an imaginary boy was hard! 
For right now, I’m content with just being friends with moms and moms who blog.  Especially if they get me into the cool swag suites. 
All the swag I got from this particular suite was either given to my moms who blog friends or will be donated to Toys for Tots. 
*There’s one thing that’s always worried me about motherhood.  Showers.  Not the ones where you get presents but the ones where you get clean.  My childless friends and I discussed this at the beach.  We all like long showers but can moms take long showers when they’ve got kids on the loose in the house?  At our first breakfast in San Diego, I asked my moms who blog pals and they assured me that yes, you can take a long shower when you have kids.  Whew.  And thanks to my new friend, Partner in Snoring Crimes, I know where to put the kids so they don’t, like, burn the house down when you’re in your 20 minute shower!    

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