The Voice

I really like the show “The Voice”.  Mostly because of Adam Levine.  The voices on the show, they're not bad either. 

I was going through the writing portfolio that contains most of my major writing assignments from middle school through high school.  It’s been a great trip down memory lane and it’s been fun to see my writing progress from loopy fifth grade cursive to dot matrix font in high school.  Oddly, in the early days, there were a lot of references to food, including a Thanksgiving speech in which I was thankful that I could afford to go out to lunch with my mom (some things never change!) and a report on African food that I ended with the closing line – “I hope you enjoyed my report.  Now I’m off to get a snack.”  What???  I still got an “A” though!

When I started reading the papers that I wrote in high school, I began to notice a recurring comment being made by my teachers.  “Your voice is strong.”  “Strong voice.”  “Strong voice but tend to lose focus.”  (She was never one of my favorite teachers anyway.) 

I never thought of myself as having a strong voice.  My voice was quiet, if it was even heard at all.

But maybe sometimes, the quietest voices are the strongest.

Marina and Lee and Me

A couple of weeks ago I read Stephen King’s 11/22/63.  If you haven’t read it yet – and think you might – STOP READING NOW.  I’ll be giving away a few plot lines ‘cause I’m nice like that.  Skip to the end if you don’t want to know about the book! 

Alrighty – only those people who have read or who aren’t ever going to read 11/22/63 should be reading this now.  First off, this isn’t one of those books that you toss in your carry-on to read on the plane – it’s HUGE.  It’s like 845 pages huge!  Now, if it’s on your Kindle, well, no biggie.  But if you actually went to a book store and bought the book – holy moly!  And the 11/22/63 bit of it is maybe about 25 of those pages!  So, definitely not as much assassination as I tend to like in my books!

Here’s the basic premise (which you already know because you read the book, right?) – what if you could go through a rabbit hole, back through time, and stop Lee Harvey Oswald from assassinating President John F. Kennedy? 

Of course, saving Kennedy won’t be easy because, like so many of us, the past doesn’t like to be changed.  And it’ll do everything in its power to stay the way it’s always been.  So, there are a lot of obstacles (like two facial disfigurements, a beat-down that lands someone in a coma, a bus crash, and on and on) that have to be survived on this quest.  But say you’re successful and you save Kennedy and all of humanity forevermore.  But do you really?  Because see, when the past is changed, so’s the future.  And when you make your trip back through the rabbit hole to 2011, well, Maine’s a province of Canada and things aren’t exactly peachy for the rest of humanity.  The main take away – the past should just stay the past.    

It’s all fiction, of course.  But it’s intriguing because what ifs are always intriguing. 

A few years ago, I met Priscilla Johnson McMillan, the author of the joint biography, Marina and Lee.  Ms. McMillan donated her personal papers to the National Archives and I went to her home in Cambridge, Mass to inventory and box up everything.  Professionally, it was a unique experience – for two and a half days, I worked in a backyard sifting through paper.  Personally, it was amazing.  See, Ms. McMillan happens to be the only person who knew both President Kennedy and Oswald (calling all conspiracy theorists!)  She knew Kennedy when he was a Senator and she later interviewed Oswald when he defected to the Soviet Union.  History certainly has its fair share of strange coincidences, doesn’t it?

There were many times during those couple of days that I stopped and thought what if?  What if Lee Harvey Oswald never defected to the Soviet Union?  What if he defected but decided to live out a long, peaceful life in Minsk with Marina?  What if he wasn’t allowed back into the United States after he decided to un-defect?  What if he never got a job at the Texas School Book Depository?  What if he had a better relationship with his mother?  What if someone had stopped him on November 22, 1963?    

Intriguing, right?  (And as Mr. King so ably proves - great material for a novel!)

Trunk Show

I’ve been feeling guilty because I haven’t posted anything in almost two weeks.  The truth of the matter is that I’ve been up to no good – I’ve been reading books.  Now that that’s out of my system, I can return to writing.  Why can’t I do both at the same time?  Well, there just aren’t enough hours in the day!  And, um, sometimes my brain can’t handle all the words. 

Now, it’s time to talk about the elephant in the room. 

He's got junk in his trunk!

It’s not just any elephant, see, it’s the Graduate Study Elephant.  It’s my Graduate Study Elephant.  What the heck’s a Graduate Study Elephant?  Stick around and I’ll tell you.

Way back at the beginning of grad school – at orientation, actually – they gave us a big packet of important papers.  You know the kind – a map of the campus, the course catalog, information about parking permits, instructions on how to use the copiers in the library, the school fight song, and a sheet of phone numbers for mental health professionals to contact when the rigors of grad school pushed you over the edge.  Tucked amongst all those important papers was the Graduate Study Elephant.  You were supposed to color it in as you finished each course – coloring in grad school one block at a time.

Now, I don’t know how many of my classmates actually colored in the Graduate Study Elephant but, me?  I ignored all the rest of the information in the packet and focused on that elephant.  Sure, I didn’t know how to operate the copiers in the library and I couldn’t find the financial aid building for a year and half but who cared about that?  I had my Graduate Study Elephant!

At the beginning of each semester, I wrote in the classes that I was taking in each of the little blocks.  1 semester = 3 classes = 3 blocks.  Except for that semester that I took four classes.  And the summer session that I took two classes. 

 

Looking at my Graduate Study Elephant now is like taking a walk down Graduate School Memory Lane.  There are the course codes that used to roll off my tongue like the alphabet.  There’s the Information Access class in which, upon meeting a girl named Laurel, I said, “Your name’s Laurel and I live in Laurel!”  Introductions are not my strong suit.  Luckily, she didn’t think I was crazy and we’re still friends today. For the record, I still live in Laurel and her name is still, well, Laurel.  Then's there's the Information Structure class – um, the catalog class – that I hated with a passion and for which I almost needed the phone numbers of those mental health professionals (and which now, I’m pretty sure is an example of irony at its best.)  And I can’t forget the management class in which I learned that giving small tokens – such as pens – to staff improves morale (and doesn’t that explain a lot!)  Sorry, I could go on and on…

Anyway, at the end of the semester, as soon as my grades were posted and I knew that I had passed, I diligently colored in the blocks.  After completing three semesters and a summer session, after jumping through the hoops that needed to be jumped through, my Graduate Study Elephant was completely colored in.  And I was an official Master of Library Science (but remember, don’t call me a librarian!)

But what happens when there are no more hoops to jump through?  What happens when there are no more blocks to color in? 

Sure, you end up with a feeling of accomplishment.  Not to mention a colorful elephant. 

Then what? 

I think I need to find something else to color in.    

Beginnings

I met a new guy on Saturday.  He’s very relaxed, absolutely gorgeous, and doesn’t seem bothered by multiple cats.  He also likes to keep people waiting and isn’t much of a conversationalist.  But I guess that’s to be expected when you’re three days old. 

Good friends of mine welcomed their first baby earlier this week.  It is the beginning of a new chapter in their family history.  It’s an exciting and momentous time for them and it’s been fun to watch as they went from being responsible adults to responsible expectant parents to responsible parents of a little human being with a still developing immune system.  

Despite what the dock-side psychic told me this summer, my biological clock seems to be on a permanent snooze.  So, since I’ll probably never experience the joys of my own kids, I think I’m just gonna become an honorary aunt to other people’s kids.  Did you have any of those in your life?  Did your parents have friends – maybe they met in a bowling alley or a Cheesecake Factory or the neighborhood – that you called “aunt” or “uncle” even though they weren’t related to you by blood?  Maybe your family tree was filled with nuts and they outsourced the “aunt” and “uncle” duties.  Maybe you didn’t have actual aunts and uncles so you adopted random people on the street to fill-in the vacant slots.   

Growing up my brother and I had three sets of those kinds of aunts and uncles.  I only ever see my Aunt Connie anymore but I remember the others, especially my Aunt Linda and Uncle Dick who I thought were so cool because they lived in an upside down house – their kitchen was on the second floor!  Following in that tradition, I’m designating myself as “cool honorary Aunt Denise.”    

Now, this isn’t one of those “it takes a village to raise a child” post because, quite frankly, this villager doesn’t know anything about children or motherhood so I’ll just stay away from all that child-rearing business.  But a few months ago, I heard the honorable Judge Marilyn Milian of The People’s Court say “The more people in my kids’ lives who care about them, the better.”  You can’t argue with that logic, can you?  So that’s what I’m going to do – I’m going to be one more person in this new little boy’s life who's there for him and cares about him. 

And now, a personal note to the little guy...

I’ll probably be a nervous wreck around you until you can hold your head up by yourself (even though your mom tells me that I can’t break you, I’m not taking any chances – your dad was a Marine, after all!) I’m going to make you a few promises -

1.       When your parents take you for your daily walk around the neighborhood in your sweet ride of an umbrella stroller, I’ll wave enthusiastically from my house.  Unless I’m napping. 

2.       I’ll watch animated Disney movies with you without musing about the reasons that Donald Duck doesn’t get the same respect that Mickey and Minnie do.  Afterwards, however, I will make you watch “The Jetsons” and I will tell you my theory about hover-craft cars.  My theory being that we should all have them.  Unless we do all have them by that time.

3.       When I travel, I’ll buy you a souvenir tee-shirt.  Because what is cuter than a baby/toddler wearing a tee-shirt with “Someone Who Loves Me Went to the Grand Canyon and All I Got Was This T-Shirt” on it?

4.       I’ll give you full-size candy bars at Halloween.  But only if your dad gets dressed up in a costume. 

5.       When we go out to dinner, I’ll make sure you get a colorful selection of crayons so you can create art on the placemats.  But your mom likes to color, so you’ll have to share with her.  I’m just warning you now. 

6.       I’ll keep the mini fridge in the basement stocked with your favorite juice. 

7.       You’ll always have someone right around the corner who cares about you.  And who’ll totally let you jump on the bed.

In five or ten or 32 years, I’ll probably be just a page in the history of your family, someone who was there at the beginning.  But maybe you’ll think back and remember with fondness your cool honorary Aunt Denise who bought you a ton of souvenir tee-shirts. 

But for now, welcome to the world!  Everyone’s so glad that you’re finally here!    

Hello Again!

Hey everybody!  How’s 2012 treating you?  I’ve been busy since the beginning of the New Year – I flipped my mattress, switched to a credit union, rolled over an old 401k, voluntarily read to children, and baked cupcakes.  Sounds like this year is going to be the year of Denise the Do-er.  At least, until I get tired and need a nap. 

If you’re wondering what the slogan for 2012 is, wonder no more.  There isn’t one.  Sorry, but you try to come up with something that rhymes with “twelve”.  The only slogan I came up with – and a highly unoriginal one at that – is – Don’t Worry, Be Happy.

I think, this year, I’m going to focus on not being such a worry wart.  Seriously, I worry about everything and it’s getting to be quite the drag.  Especially since most of the time what I’m worried about turns out not to be that important at all. 

For instance, let’s examine the events that happened on the Thursday afternoon before Christmas.  There was an incident at work.  Okay, incident is too strong of a word; it’s not like I inadvertently set off any missiles or anything (oh God, just think if I had that job!)  Maybe I should call it a glitch.  Yes.  That’s good.  There was a computer glitch at work.  Now, in the grand scheme of life, it wasn’t important at all.  In the grand scheme of work-life, it wasn’t terribly awful either.  But in the grand scheme of my life, a life in which I always feel like I’m about to slip off the edge of the precipice and land smack dab in the middle of failure and disappointment, it was major.  Immediately, I started to worry.  My boss was gone and I was in charge.  It was all on me.  I had to fix it.  But it’s hard to get anything fixed at 5:00 on the Thursday before a holiday.  There wasn’t much to do but worry. 

My colleagues and friends told me to put it out of my head.  They assured me that things would be okay.  They urged me to not worry.  But people, there was a glitch!!  Glitches are worrisome!  And I am a worrier.  So, I worried.  I worried on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day and the day after Christmas Day and the day after that.  I worried until I was able to come back to work to try to fix the problem.    

And in the end, that’s what I did.  That’s all well and good but what did all that worry get me?  A stressful few days, that’s what.  Was it worth it?  Not really.

This year, I’m going to take a step back.  I’m going to strive to be mindful that mistakes happen.  Glitches happen.  And when they do, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to take a head-first dive off that cliff. 

I’m going to keep life in perspective. 

And maybe hum “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” along the way. 

The Last Post

Sometime last year, I stumbled across a blog filled with misspellings that was written by a woman who wrote about her bipolar disorder.  I thought, well, gee whiz, if she’s brave enough to write about her bipolar disorder, maybe I could be brave enough to write about being a former bed wetter with a craniofacial syndrome who can’t smell and is afraid of fax machines.  And oh yeah, share one or two of my insecurities.  I mean, how hard could it be?  An added bonus, I knew how to use the spell-checker.

And so, exactly a year ago tonight, I sent a draft of my first post to a trusted friend and told her, I’m thinking of doing this blog thing.  Her response?  Do it!  It’s so cathartic.  

I’m not going to be all humble and say, I never expected anyone to read my blog.  I wanted people to read it.  No.  I needed people to read it.  That first post, at least.  I needed people to read what I hadn’t been brave enough to say out loud, except to a few people.

For most of my life, I felt like I was walking around living a lie because of the things that I was too scared to share or admit.  Telling my story was a release.  I began to let go of a lot of stuff that I probably shouldn’t have been holding onto in the first place.   As I wrote, and later began talking, about my insecurities, I realized that I’m not so different from everyone else.  I’m trying to figure stuff out just like the rest of the world.

Cathartic?  You have no idea. 

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about where I go from here.  Where this blog goes from here.  My life isn’t very exciting and the things about me that used to bother me, don’t so much anymore – even when I find myself in seasonal ruts.  Do I keep writing?  Or do I let Tulips and Togas stand as a testament to a really good year – a year of growth, a year of changes, a year of experiencing life?

I am, like this blog, a work in progress.  In this coming year, I want to continue on the path that I started on in 2011.   And there are so many fun things to look forward to in 2012 – a wedding (not mine), babies (not mine), vacations (mine!), and a roller skating birthday party (mine!).  I’m not planning on disappearing from anyone’s Google Reader quite yet.  I hope you’ll continue to enjoy reading my stories as much as I enjoy writing them. 

That first post was the hardest thing that I've ever done.  As I write this post, the last post of 2011, I can look back and say, yes, it was the hardest thing that I've ever done but it was also the best thing that I've ever done.  Thank you for joining me on this journey.  It's been quite the ride.     

Happy New Year!

A Year in Review

Sure, there were those seven goals that I tried to accomplish this year but there was so much other stuff that happened in 2011.  Some of it was a little crazy, some of it was a lot unexpected but it all made for a very interesting year of life.

In 2011, I…

1.      Greeted the New Year watching fireworks atop a rooftop deck.

2.      Started a blog.

3.      Started – and actually completed – a scrapbook.

4.      Co-planned and co-hosted an awesome surprise party.

5.      Went to Spring Training.

6.      Celebrated my birthday with friends and a lot of elderly people.  

7.      Stood on a beach in Florida.

8.      Stood on a beach in Delaware.

9.      Stood on a beach in California.

10.  Swam in the Atlantic Ocean.

11.  Dipped my toes in the Pacific (maybe?) Ocean.

12.  Watched dolphins swim in the ocean.

13.  Went on a sail-boat (kinda).

14.  Went on a water-taxi.

15.  Flew to the West Coast twice.  And came back both times.

16.  Waited in an airport because of flight delays. 

17.  Drove up – and down – a mountain. 

18.  Got to ride on one of those airport tram cars.

19.  Walked in the rain.

20.  Saw Haystack Rock, up close and personal.

21.  Climbed 164 steps to the top of the Astoria Column.

22.  Drove across the longest continuous truss bridge in North America.

23.  Went to a cheese factory.

24.  Partied with friends at the third annual CatchCon.  And lived to tell the tale.

25.  Spent half an hour in Music City.

26.  Walked around the Gaslamp Quarter with one of my favorite cousins.

27.  Shared a hotel room with someone I didn’t know very well – and made a new friend.

28.  Danced the night away with a bunch of crazy bloggers. 

29.  Saw a flash-mob up close and personal.

30.  Ate at a Swedish smorgasbord.

31.  Rented a beach-house with friends.    

32.  Managed to actually light barbecue on a tiny grill – yea for teamwork! 

33.  Walked on two boardwalks in two different states.

34.  Drove past The Stone Pony.   

35.  Got the two most surprising phone calls of my life.

36.  Survived an earthquake.

37.  Survived a hurricane.

38.  Dog-sat for the cutest beagle you ever did see.

39.  Engaged in a bidding battle during a silent auction.

40.  Won the battle but lost the war and was outbid in the last five minutes.   

41.  Figured out that I’m a spring runner.

42.  Went to the doctor. 

43.  Made scrambled eggs for the first time.

44.  Adopted two cute kittens. 

45.  Took a job that I didn’t want only to find it was exactly what I needed.

46.  Went to a couple concerts in the local park. 

47.  Ate Oreos for breakfast.   

48.  Went to advance screenings for two movies. 

49.  Hurt a friend.

50.  Was hurt by a friend.

51.  Did more public speaking than I ever thought possible. 

52.  Taught training classes.

53.  Was a burr in people’s side – and helped get something accomplished despite annoying bureaucracy.    

54.  Donated to the Salvation Army.

55.  Helped assemble IKEA furniture. 

56.  Cooked in a Crock-Pot.

57.  Found out two good friends were pregnant.

58.  Received an award at work. 

59.  Cried a ridiculous amount.  Like all of April.

60.  Wore dresses in the spring and summer. 

61.  Wore leggings went it got colder.

62.  Ate outside on my new patio set.

63.  Spent lots of summer evenings lounging on my deck. 

64.  Went to my first HOA meeting. 

65.  Squeezed 17 people into my kitchen for the second annual Pre-Thanksgiving Thanksgiving.

66.  Celebrated St. Lawrence Day with my colleagues. 

67.  Watched a highway being built.

68.  Drove on that new highway when it was completed.

69.  Went on a date.    

70.  Went to a baseball game.

71.  Was unknowingly on TV (?) as I “watched” that baseball game. 

72.  Cat-sat for friends.

73.  Made sweet potato fries.  From actual sweet potatoes. 

74.  Bought an iPhone. 

75.  Discovered Pinterest.

76.  Lost – and replaced – three recycling containers.  The fourth one has been labeled!

77.  Came home to find that one of my kittens had taken a flight from two-stories up.  She’s fine.

78.  Completely cleaned my entire car out.  And it stayed clean for about two months.  Wow.

79.  Went out to lunch entirely too much.  Noodles, anyone?

80.  Laughed a lot. 

81.  Attended my first ever Rosh Hashanah dinner.   

82.  Got a lot of advice.  And I even followed some of it.

83.  Bought really expensive running shoes.

84.  Went pumpkin-picking.

85.  Went on a hayride.   

86.  Learned to waltz. 

87.  Saw the Presidential Christmas card before most people. 

88.  Explored Harper’s Ferry.

89.  Cleaned out my fridge. 

90.  Organized my closets. 

91.  Joined a credit union. 

92.  Got up early four Saturdays in a row to go running. 

93.  Dashed through sprinklers. 

94.  Decorated a Christmas tree.

95.  Ate ice cream for dinner.

96.  Went to a street fair.

97.  Watched fireworks on the Fourth of July. 

98.  Tripped up stairs and cursed a lot. 

99.  Started writing a novel.

100.  Looked in the mirror every morning and liked the face staring back at me.  

 What’s in store for 2012?  I guess we’ll just have to wait and see!